A Complete Nut

As I sat in my office I felt that old restless feeling. My vision blurred, my head swelled and I sighed with an intense longing. What was it this time that caused this stirring in my soul? I ponder and dwell on my current yearning, on just what it was that could cause such a powerful craving within me.
"What do I need?" I thought over and over. I have to find it quickly.

It was at this point that I sprung to my feet from my black, leather chair. I typed "brb" in the message window on the MSN chat I had previously been engaged in instead of working, and left my office. As I made my way to the elevator I bumped into Sally, a fellow coworker. She was a beautiful girl and the object of my affections for the entire six months she had been working in my building. But was she what I desired at the moment? I said "hey there" and smiled at her. Not a big smile, but a lips-closed confident look with a slight nodding of the head. This was how I worked my magic. Her response was not the usual quaint office cheer that she has mastered so well. She seemed genuinely pleased to see me this time as she greeted me with a "hello." We both stepped into the elevator and there was an awkward silence. Then the feeling returned; this unbelievable hunger that reached down into my very core. Was I going mad? Had it finally caught up to me? The all-nighters, the lack of food, a social life, anything but work; had my lifestyle finally come to collect? I snapped out of my mini-panic to hear Sally calling my name.
"Oh, sorry, yes?" I said as smoothly as I could.
"I was wondering what you were up to tonight?" She asked. This puzzled me, why was she suddenly interested? Had I worn her down? I didn’t make sense, but what should I care, I’m finally IN!
"Nothing at the moment, would you like to join me in the nothingness?"

I can’t remember her exact reply, the intense feeling came back and the rest of it was a blur. I exited the elevator and made my way to my car. I had to get home, I needed rest, I needed something! In my condition I doubt driving was the best idea. I swerved my way home only knocking over a few dumpsters and running over a cat or two. Okay, I’m joking. But it wasn’t the smoothest ride home.

After busting through my door I stumbled to my room and tripped over my slippers into bed. Yet, I couldn’t sleep. After all, it was a restless feeling. I rolled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen. I should have some coffee if I can’t sleep. I open the cabinet and there it is. Not coffee, but a jar of Kraft Peanut Butter. My eyes were locked on to those fuzzy bears on the packaging. I had been a hunter without a cause and this was the moment that I knew it was bear season. I proceeded to grab the jar and twist the red top off so fast that it flew across the room, spinning like a ninja star. Picking up a spoon I shoved it deep into the jar and pulled up a huge glob of nutty peanut butter. I stuck it in my mouth and bit down, severing the sticky brown, chunky goodness from the spoon and pulled it out of my closed mouth.

What a sensation I felt at the moment. The weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders and I was now floating above it. The taste transcended my wildest dreams and all my previous symptoms had transformed from painful to delightful. I bit down on the peanuts and each crunch sent a shockwave of euphoria through my entire body. I had to sit down.

Spoon in hand, I continued to go for round after round of peanut butter therapy, always remembering to lick the spoon clean after. Then there was a knocking at my door. I didn’t recall inviting anyone over, and did not want to interrupt my new found eureka of peanut butter enchantment.
"Best make this quick", I thought as I opened the door and was shocked to see Sally standing there, but not as shocked as she was to see me. She looked at my face and her eyes flared with confusion and disgust.

"Let’s just pretend I wasn’t here." She said as she stormed off.

I must have invited her over when I was blacking out in the elevator. But if she was into it then, what could have changed? I walked over to a mirror and saw the reason; there was peanut butter all over my face, and in my hand was the half empty jar. I couldn’t even part with it to answer the door. I walked over to my table and sat down in a chair in total defeat. I had done it this time, I really messed up. I’ve let the girl go, and I regret it. Not tomorrow or soon, but today and perhaps for the rest of my life. There was only one thing that was going to make me feel better after this. I held the jar up and in my best boogie impression I said, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."